Newsletter #6 - Fickle Friendships

I received an amaryllis as a gift this year. I have been watching it for months. For those unfamiliar with an amaryllis, they arrive in a pot of dirt and don’t look like much. They continue to look poorly for quite awhile. Ever so slowly, a green shoot emerges. With some drama, the shoot becomes a towering stalk. Usually there are four or five amazing trumpet shaped flowers. My amaryllis was spectacular. The colors were bright reds striped with a white. Another bulb had burnt orange flowers that added breathtaking color to the quiet clay pot in which it was housed. I had it in the kitchen window where it literally received ohs and ahs from family members. I could sit at the kitchen table and almost watch the blossoms unfurl. I came home one day from work and the flowers trumpeted a welcome. I remember gasping at how busy the flower had been in my absence. I was so impressed with the amaryllis I took pictures of it.

It has been a couple of months now. The tired blooms have drooped. Although one more stalk is going to bloom, the excitement, the fervor has waned. As I look at the amaryllis, I noted some friendships are just like it. Some friendships don’t look like much at first, and then suddenly there is rush of color, laughter, shared moments and celebrations. Some friendships feel so special that they expunge a quiet loneliness often present in my everyday. Yet, too often they wither. Too often just like the amaryllis, the splash of color disappears and I have been left with a sense of abandonment that accompanies the ending of relationships.

I don’t understand friendships very well. I will say the wild ride of the amaryllis sure is fun…For me, I do better with philodendron type relationships that survive. I have two philodendrons that just keep on keeping on. They seem happy to be watered, but don’t get crabby if I miss a week. They are quiet and provide a lush green to some of the corners of our home. I never come home to see how it is doing. It just does. Dr. Doris Kreisman says. “To have a true friendship, you have to do more than exchange cards or call each other once a year. There has to be some continued support and attention: otherwise the relationship is a sentimental attachment rather than a true friendship." Friendships can not be just once a year valentines—once a year splashy moments. I certainly have been attached to my amaryllis, but I know it will eventually return to not looking like much. Philodendron friendships may not look like much, but they aren’t fickle or quick to fade. The fiery reds and oranges live in memory, but it is the quiet green philodendrons that endure and sustain.