Who's Responsible? Mr Rogers? Mom? Dad?

A lead article in the Wall Street Journal by Jeffrey Zaslow is entitled, “ Blame It on Mr. Rogers: Why Young Adults Feel So Entitled.” Blame, in my dictionary uses words like censure, find fault with and reproach as a definition. I found it to be a strong statement about Mr. Rogers. Zaslow writes about college students demanding A’s, and the rise of narcissism due to excessive doting resulting in too many children who are rude, self-absorbed or disrespectful. He complains about parents saying, “Well, they’re just children.” A child psychiatrist, Alvin Rosenfeld, is quoted as saying it is crucial to talk to kids about their lives, and that dialogue can enrich the whole family. Dr. Rosenfeld encourages parents to talk about their own lives as well.

I think that is exactly what Mr. Rogers did. Mr. Roger not only listened to children, he told them about his day, his friends, his plans, and his problems. He talked about courage, love and discipline. For many children, Mr. Rogers was the only adult who did communicate.

I agree that we have young adults who feel entitled. I have watched children who have parents who try to be their best friends instead of being a friendly adult in the lives of children. David Walsh has a new book out called “NO.” Copies are flying off the shelves. Parents are excited to have permission to say no to their children. Good news travels fast!

Mr. Rogers is not the culprit. Children need consistent, present and predictable adults in their lives. Mr. Rogers was all of that, but he was only present 30 minutes a day. Although his message was important time with Mr. Rogers was minimal compared to time children should have been spending with caring live adults in their homes. He was clear that what mattered in life were not honors or prizes, but being trusted. His lessons were based in positive core values, compassion, and care. His message was not about hurrahs for actions done. He liked children for being there… not because of what they did.

I miss the quiet man in a sweater. I miss his messages during difficult times. Our young adults today might have been better off if their parents had joined them while watching Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers told children that they were loved - no matter what. He did not tell them do what ever they wanted - no matter what. He never said expect everything to come your way - no matter what. Mr. Rogers was a longed for parent for many who had parents who were too busy to be present, to reassure, and be stewards of relationships that mattered.

Picture Albums vs Video

As I look back on the journey our family is on, I know some things we have done that are really smart. We also know steps we took that were foolish. I remember worrying about Heather putting the Fisher-Price farm animals in the Fisher-Price school. I wondered how she could ever learn to read if she was confused about where cows go. I remember being concerned about her skipping. I took her to art class too early. She has been disinterested in drawing ever since. First borns really are in a tough place. Somewhere along the way, I discovered she was doing quite well. Her mother, on the other hand, was learning life lessons from a pro.

The other day I overheard a mother say, "We are catching every moment on a video." I wonder about that. Will videos provide the connecting and the sweetness of time so valued in my home with picture albums? I did do picture albums. Both children have a baby book. We all have family albums that have accumulated through the years. This is something smart I did. They should have been made from steel..... but they are grand. Some have corners chewed from puppies who were aging too slowly in our home. Others have had their pages turned so often, they are a little loose in the hinges. Through the years, during times of transitions, from nursery school to elementary, from junior high to high school, friends and acquaintances were invited over to stare at the picture albums. There were giggles. The pictures of Dave and I before children always bring squeals of laughter. My hair was funny. In quiet moments, each one of us can go down and regroup, remember, and review shared moments.

My children are older now. Moments together are always noted, always celebrated. Our lives are busy and our days are filled with traffic and different zip codes. The picture albums are still there. They record our adventures. I can look through them at a leisure pace. I can stop and recall the camping trip where we finally just zipped Elizabeth in the tent with us and went to sleep. Now she is planning a trip to London to attend a wedding. Her sons will stay with us and camp in the yard. We will take photos.

Picture albums give you time. Videos select their own time and pace. Take a few moments with glue and paper this summer. Invest some time to record this remarkable journey called "parenting" to savor in your future. Picture albums remind each family member they have been included in important moments. Too often we only notice growth and change when pajamas are too short.