Recipe for Family Success
I was asked to share my favorite recipe to be included in a good by book for a colleague. Although happy to be asked, I am not the best one for recipes.
In my dictionary, recipe is described as a formula for compounding a medicine, a formula for making a dish or a means prescribed for producing a desired result. The desired result definition is the one that fits for me. Although I enjoy good food, I am much more interested in the table and the people sharing the meal. I have eaten wonderful food with miserable people. I don't remember the food. I also have eaten OK food with wonderful people and recall such moments with smiles.
My family comes to Sunday dinner. I enjoy the time I take preparing for their arrival. My husband usually cooks wonderful things while I carefully set the table with a cloth, napkins and a candle. I believe the family dinner table is holy ground. Evidence of my personal success is measured by the number of times I need to replenish my candle supply. When Heather went off to college, she too lit a candle at dinner with her roommates. They wondered if it was Thanksgiving. Heather assured her friends; it is just the way her family had always done it. Candles and dinnertime were always connected. Tuna sandwiches by candlelight can be quite festive. Candles, quiet music and snatching the moment in our busy lives is a way to celebrate and yes even give thanks for time together. Having a special place at the table matters and teaches belonging. Family therapists talk about how families really are their meal times. Recent research indicates that girls who eat with dinners with their families are healthier and less overweight. I think time with family is what matters.
So many opportunities to talk and share are lost when mealtime is a drive by stuff the food in experience. Great food from amazing recipes eaten in front of a microwave is not a desired result. At our house, we all wait for everyone to be seated before we begin eating. I think it is the together stuff that constructs the emotional scaffolding necessary for family well being. The food nourishes not only our bodies but the time shared nourishes souls. Long after the dishes are done and the candle is snuffed out, these shared times are a recipe for strong connections and hopeful tomorrows.
In my dictionary, recipe is described as a formula for compounding a medicine, a formula for making a dish or a means prescribed for producing a desired result. The desired result definition is the one that fits for me. Although I enjoy good food, I am much more interested in the table and the people sharing the meal. I have eaten wonderful food with miserable people. I don't remember the food. I also have eaten OK food with wonderful people and recall such moments with smiles.
My family comes to Sunday dinner. I enjoy the time I take preparing for their arrival. My husband usually cooks wonderful things while I carefully set the table with a cloth, napkins and a candle. I believe the family dinner table is holy ground. Evidence of my personal success is measured by the number of times I need to replenish my candle supply. When Heather went off to college, she too lit a candle at dinner with her roommates. They wondered if it was Thanksgiving. Heather assured her friends; it is just the way her family had always done it. Candles and dinnertime were always connected. Tuna sandwiches by candlelight can be quite festive. Candles, quiet music and snatching the moment in our busy lives is a way to celebrate and yes even give thanks for time together. Having a special place at the table matters and teaches belonging. Family therapists talk about how families really are their meal times. Recent research indicates that girls who eat with dinners with their families are healthier and less overweight. I think time with family is what matters.
So many opportunities to talk and share are lost when mealtime is a drive by stuff the food in experience. Great food from amazing recipes eaten in front of a microwave is not a desired result. At our house, we all wait for everyone to be seated before we begin eating. I think it is the together stuff that constructs the emotional scaffolding necessary for family well being. The food nourishes not only our bodies but the time shared nourishes souls. Long after the dishes are done and the candle is snuffed out, these shared times are a recipe for strong connections and hopeful tomorrows.
posted by Ada at
12:55 PM
