Birthdays Matter

A birthday celebration really focuses on one individual and provides evidence that in this complicated world the person is cherished. A birthday is the anniversary of a person’s birth and marks the passage of time in a life. Birthdays really are a celebration of life.

Henri Nouwen said it best. “Celebrating a birthday is exalting life and being glad for it. On a birthday we do not say: “ Thanks for what you did, or said, or accomplished.” No, we say: “ Thank you for being born and being among us.”… Celebrating a birthday reminds us of the goodness of life, and in this spirit we really need to celebrate people’s birthdays every day.”


I teach an undergraduate class at a local University. During a complicated conversation focused on family systems, a student mentioned how much she disliked sharing birthdays with her sister who was born in the same week of the same month although years apart. “We always had a shared birthday!” Everyone agreed on the importance of ”own birthday” recognition. I don’t think it is the gifts or decorated cakes that drive the disappointment when the celebration is shared. What is significant is having a moment on that special day that separates you out and assures you matter. I believe a half sandwich with a flag on top would be welcomed when it conveys the recognition, celebration and awareness that on that special day you are noticed. Even twins have told me, they prefer separate cupcakes or separate cookies.

Truth is young and old alike flourish when everyday someone says I care for you. Truth is there is hope when everyday someone says you are important. I am glad you are here. A birthday hurrah heralds and assures your presence is noticed. I believe long after the sparkle, the candle glow and song of celebration, a birthday celebration lives quietly in memory bringing a smile and an inner glow for the 364 days that follow.

Calendar Chaos

It is January. I am already anxious. I read a helpful guide written by Martha Stewart. I keep articles that will provide guidance and a calming influence. First, she recommended taking January off to prepare your personal calendar. Now that is heady goal setting! Planning for 2009 is not something to be taken lightly. Planning the schedule for the year will “eliminate confusion, double booking or forgetting key experiences.” She had my attention. One should schedule dog cuts, hair cuts, nail cuts, lawn cuts, driveway repair, rock repair, garden cleanup and fertilizing --- to name but a few. Dinners, theater seats, and special events will assure a happy year. Doctor appointments, check ups, bike repair, shoe repair, utility repair, all done in advance -- look, no worries. Martha's planning is impressive.

I am afraid it is too late for me. No wonder I am anxious. My washing machine breaks down totally disregarding the scheduled visit from the repairperson. My kids never needed a physician on a planned visit. They always threw up early Friday evening when the only thing on the calendar was a babysitter. My calendar was often under the direction of soccer coaches, bandleaders, quick trips to the orthodontist when the wires broke, emergency grocery store runs, sudden snowstorms, neighbors needing a ride and teacher conferences.

Maybe that is why Martha can do this calendar stuff. It is her calendar, her schedule, and her life. My 2009 calendar is a gala of events- a cafeteria of experiences, hastily scribbled-- brightly colored--- and sometimes realigned with White Out. My calendar is a diary--- an adventure that every week writes its own story. With wisdom, courage, and hope I look at January. I look forward to the dramatic changes, the unknowns, snatched moments with loved ones, and the good sense to celebrate the ordinary. Hey Martha--- hang on to your hat. Someone said, “ Don’t plan too far ahead. Plan for surprises!”
Let's enjoy the ride.