Important To Show Up

I know events are ripe with opportunities to learn life lessons. I am a student and continue to learn.

The Saturday walk was both aimless and meandering through a quiet neighborhood. The walk wasn’t about exercise but listening and connecting with my friend as she shared her struggle. Her 27-year-old son had moved home. He was no longer able to care for himself as AIDS ravaged his body. The latest medical report revealed the deterioration of the brain stem. Her son was having trouble walking. His speech had changed and he could not remember messages. Her son had come home to die.

A few weeks later, dear friends in California called. They were both in their late 80’s. Their daughter, age 62, had died. “We lost our baby,” they wept. “It is not supposed to be this way. We are not supposed to bury our Joy.” Children are supposed to outlive their parents. I think Cele and Duane’s future dimmed permanently after they buried their daughter.

Monday, a child came running up to me. “It’s my birthday on Sunday. I will be 12. I am so excited.” The mother walked up to me. “We have planned a happy time at the local amusement park. The babysitter has planned prizes and has tickets for all of the rides.” I commented on how that was going to be a busy day. The mother said, “I won’t be able to attend the birthday party. I have a meeting. The meeting has been scheduled for quite awhile and getting these people together is so difficult. I was shocked. “It is her birthday. I believe she thinks being 12 is significant.” I think children think parents should attend birthday parties.

I remember overhearing a conversation at an airport. An elegantly attired couple, were astonished that the school social worker had contacted them. Their son had told the school staff that there is never anyone home. The social worker was investigating. The affluent parents were quite annoyed. They explained quite loudly, “The nanny has been there ever since he came home from the hospital. “ I really think the 5th grader meant what he had said. There wasn’t anyone home.

Last week I spent 5 days in the Intensive Care Unit of Fairview Southdale Hospital. I occupied the same chair in the family lounge, became acquainted with many nurses, and walked many halls carrying my five-month-old grand daughter.

Intensive Care Family Lounge

One waits.
One paces.
One watches a slow moving clock.

Continue to breathe.
Continue to hope.
Continue to bear witness.

At the end of the fifth day, our son in law was released with a hopeful prognosis. I left late in the afternoon, noticing how someone else had quietly taken ownership of my chair.


The life lesson is simple. I thought of my friends and their tears. I know that feeling of “empty.” I believe attending birthday parties, soccer games, Sunday dinners, picnics and garage cleaning Saturdays matter. I believe there is great value in showing up and being present. Take time to be with those you cherish. Take time to be accountable – and to be counted.

Have you noticed how many have time to show up at a funeral whatever time or day it is held? Snatch now moments - now moments matter.