Words that Rebuild, Nurture, Destroy or Diminish?
Robert Fulghum tells the story of villagers who live on the Solomon Islands. The inhabitants fell trees by climbing to the top and yelling loudly for thirty days. They believe that after 30 days the shrieking kills the spirit of the tree. Silly? Maybe.
Fulghum comments on how we yell at one another, at our children, and at things that get in the way. We yell at the weather, road construction, and too long lines. He doubts that yelling at things will have any impact, although we do yell with gusto. However, though sticks and stones may break our bones - “ words will break our hearts”--- perhaps even kill our spirits.
Recently, I spoke to 700 middle schoolers in a small town in Minnesota. My topic was bullying and how dangerous it is. I created a paper doll that was 4 feet high. I told a story about SERAL which stood for Self Esteem, Respect and Love. I made hateful comments to SERAL that I had collected from middle school students. Each time I made a remark, a student tore a section of the paper doll. I talked about harmful comments destroying a sense of self and slowly eroding the soul. As pieces of the SERAL paper doll fell to the floor, the quiet in the auditorium was palatable. Teacher led classroom discussions following my presentation focused on how respect is not present when statements are slanderous, either in person or on Facebook. Harmful tweets and sexting too can shred and destroy. Quirky comments have triggered fateful reactions that have led to lifelong grief and flower bedecked memorials. I noted that a local school district will staff a phone line all summer so that students who feel discouraged or isolated can call finding solace and needed emotional support.
I visited my 94 year old Aunt Hilde in hospice. She told me how her mother had scolded her as a young child. With stark clarity, she recalled the shame etched in her psyche because her mother told her she was never going to be worth anything. My grandmother told my Aunt Hilde, that she wasn’t smart, capable or anywhere near as bright as her sister. Hilde carried that pain to her death bed. Hilde whispered how she had tried to be a good person her whole life. She sighed and said, “ I have always worked very hard to show my mother that I was not the good for nothing she saw in me.” She had been burdened with stinging statements that fragmented her soul. She put her head back on the pillow and tears slid down her cheeks. I held her hand as she wept. The room was quiet. For over 85 years, Hilde had tried to eradicate her mother’s wicked statements.
Thoughtless statements destroy courage and grit. Beware. Be Thoughtful. Be Vigilant. Sticks and stones may break bones, but broken souls and exhausted spirits are far more difficult to repair or rebuild. The Solomon Island villagers may be on to something.
Fulghum comments on how we yell at one another, at our children, and at things that get in the way. We yell at the weather, road construction, and too long lines. He doubts that yelling at things will have any impact, although we do yell with gusto. However, though sticks and stones may break our bones - “ words will break our hearts”--- perhaps even kill our spirits.
Recently, I spoke to 700 middle schoolers in a small town in Minnesota. My topic was bullying and how dangerous it is. I created a paper doll that was 4 feet high. I told a story about SERAL which stood for Self Esteem, Respect and Love. I made hateful comments to SERAL that I had collected from middle school students. Each time I made a remark, a student tore a section of the paper doll. I talked about harmful comments destroying a sense of self and slowly eroding the soul. As pieces of the SERAL paper doll fell to the floor, the quiet in the auditorium was palatable. Teacher led classroom discussions following my presentation focused on how respect is not present when statements are slanderous, either in person or on Facebook. Harmful tweets and sexting too can shred and destroy. Quirky comments have triggered fateful reactions that have led to lifelong grief and flower bedecked memorials. I noted that a local school district will staff a phone line all summer so that students who feel discouraged or isolated can call finding solace and needed emotional support.
I visited my 94 year old Aunt Hilde in hospice. She told me how her mother had scolded her as a young child. With stark clarity, she recalled the shame etched in her psyche because her mother told her she was never going to be worth anything. My grandmother told my Aunt Hilde, that she wasn’t smart, capable or anywhere near as bright as her sister. Hilde carried that pain to her death bed. Hilde whispered how she had tried to be a good person her whole life. She sighed and said, “ I have always worked very hard to show my mother that I was not the good for nothing she saw in me.” She had been burdened with stinging statements that fragmented her soul. She put her head back on the pillow and tears slid down her cheeks. I held her hand as she wept. The room was quiet. For over 85 years, Hilde had tried to eradicate her mother’s wicked statements.
Thoughtless statements destroy courage and grit. Beware. Be Thoughtful. Be Vigilant. Sticks and stones may break bones, but broken souls and exhausted spirits are far more difficult to repair or rebuild. The Solomon Island villagers may be on to something.
Labels: bullying, parent influence, self esteem
posted by Ada at
6:31 PM
